As an NLP Hypnotherapist and Life Coach I talk a lot about taking responsibility for your life and framing it to create your ideal reality.
I had a great experience with my daughter last week that reminded me how easy it can be to change your experience and choose your reality.
My elder daughter had braces fitted last week. Its been planned and in the diary for 6 weeks.
She was really super excited to get them and not nervous in the slightest. People kept telling her that it would be uncomfortable or even hurt when they were fitted.She didn't listen.
When we got to the orthodontist she sat excitedly in the chair and we had a big discussion about what colour bands she would like (she chose blue). She was listening to the conversation the orthodontist and her assistant were having during the fitting and inwardly laughing at the lady who had brought salad instead of pizza in for lunch that day.
After the fitting, she was so thrilled she wanted to go back to school and show her new braces to her friends.
She had no pain, no discomfort and was a model patient.
All because she had framed it in her head that she was excited.
Excitement and anxiety come from exactly the same part of the brain. How you choose to view a rollercoaster for example, determines your experience of it. It can be terrifying and something you dread doing, or you can be really excited and looking forward to it.
This translates into your thoughts, because your thoughts are just ideas. A version of reality, but not reality itself. Your thoughts have no power, other than what you give them. They are just ideas, possibiities in your consciousness that are only big or powerful if you identify or allow them. You are the only thinker in your mind; nobody else can hear, see or feel your thoughts.
You can choose to believe if your thoughts are true or not. Stop for a moment today, and just consider your views on politics, parenting, smoking, drinking, your job, other peoples' jobs, criminals, entertainers, tattoos/body piercings, TV shows or the world in general.
- Are they actually YOUR views?
- Or are they your parents' views that you have inherited because that's what you grew up with.
- Are they your partners/friends/colleagues views?
- Are they the result of an experience you once had and you have now generalised them to believe them true of every similar experience?
- Are they 'popular' views and do you feel more accepted in society for agreeing in with them?
- How judgemental are you of people who have differing views to you?
- Would you consider changing your view?
Most of our beliefs about the world we live in we inherit - from our parents, our grandparents, our siblings, partners and friends. They are not, in fact OUR beliefs. But we have been conditioned to believe them because if we didn't we may be excluded from our tribe; and the 2 things we were born to do as humans is to find connection with others and not be rejected by our tribe.
So the reality is the only thing you are ever thinking about your beliefs is they are just a thought that you have had over and over and over again. But the truth is your thoughts can be changed. No matter how long you have 'believed' a thought.
Here's an example. You get a new job and your partner shows you the best way to drive to work. It takes 30 minutes. You drive the same way to work and back every day because thats what you believe is the best way. Then one day, someone you work with says 'hey, here's a shorter route and it will only take you 10 minutes'. Would you say thanks, but I'll stick to my 30 minute route? Unlikely - you'd be more likely to say 'wow, thats great. I'll definitely use that in future.' Someone has shown you a better, shorter way and you now have a new belief.
Take that analogy and use it in your life - if your beliefs are only really those that you have been conditioned to believe then how do you know they are really true?
- Who would you be without that thought or story you are telling yourself?
- How do you feel when you think that thought?
- Does it make you happy or sad?
- What would happen if you changed that thought?
If we consider how we feel about happiness, and most people feel that they will be happy when......
- They meet the perfect partner
- They get the great job
- Own the amazing house
- Get the car of their dreams
- Have a ton of money
But happiness is not a destination. It is only ever one thought away - if you choose your thinking.
You can choose to be happy RIGHT now. No matter what else is going on in your life. My daughter was happy as larry sat in an orthodontist chair having fixed braces glued to her teeth. She couldn't eat anything hard for 3 days but did it diminish her happiness? Not in the slightest.
So what thoughts are you telling yourself?
'I am loveable' is a soul-thought - it comes from your authentic or real self.
'I am not loveable' is an ego-thought - it comes from your self-imposed self-image that you have created in your head.
Your thoughts are always neutral - its the meaning you attach to your thoughts that lead to positive or negative experiences. Create positive intention to them and you will have positive experiences.
You can change your outer experience of life by changing your inner thoughts at any time.
What thoughts are holding you back from being the best version of you and who would you be without them? What new, positive beliefs can you create?
Amanda is the founder of Amanda Coles Hypnotherapy & Coaching. She is an NLP Hypnotherapist, Meridian Practitioner and Life Coach. Member of the General Hypnotherapy Register, the Central Register of Stop Smoking Therapists and a member of the Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council. She has a clinic in Milton Keynes, Bucks and sees clients both face to face and worldwide online.